“I need you to kill me,” I said to a man I had met for the first time, and he obliged.

And for the past month, I have been working with a personal trainer, who does in fact kill me in every session. Sadly, our eighteen-sessions came to an end yesterday, and I had to say goodbye to the comfort of someone else being partially accountable for my progress.

I would be lying if I said that vanity was not the impetus for change. I could either continue to daydream (over mouthfuls of deep fried wedges with sweet chilli and sour cream) about one day having my ideal body, or I could take decisive action and keep the commitment to myself.

Four days after my beach stint in Boracay, I signed up for a trainer.

I panted, I gasped, I (quietly) swore my way through our first session. I remember thinking that if at any point, I had considered myself to be moderately fit, well, I had definitely been schooled. #CircuitTrainingIsBeastly

After my hourly sessions with Danyel, I’d be beat. I also never failed to look like an unfortunate victim of a flash flood. I started thinking about the investments on my body I was making, in both money and time, and I realised how much of a waste it would be if I just kept eating junk.

I guess you could say I’ve had a lifestyle epiphany this past month. 

I used to think that working off calories was then a free pass to eat the junk I wanted. It’s not. So I ditched processed food along with calorie counting, and instead started to embrace the natural stuff and proteins like chicken and fish. I wouldn’t say I’m on a diet because I still eat a lot, and frequently at that. I still eat flavourful food (including dessert!), but I would say I’m more nutritionally conscious. Food is, and always has been, my kryptonite. I’ve said on many occasion that I probably ate my way out of my mother’s womb. (Gross, right?) But to my surprise (and delight), I’ve found it actually quite easy to make the right food choices, or at least better ones, without feeling deprived. It’s all about small substitutions that can have a bit of longevity. Grilled instead of deep fried. Mashed avocado with seasoning instead of rice. Natural Greek yoghurt instead of sour cream. Cottage or ricotta cheese (or nutritional yeast, which I don’t have the luxury of obtaining here) instead of other cheese varieties. A spoonful of PEANUT BUTTER instead of a snickers bar!!! The possibilities are endless.

So, why did I write all of this?

Because I’m wiling to bet I’m not the only one who is in pursuit of a better body, better health, and thus a better quality of life. If any of my followers are on weightloss or strengthening journeys of their own, you’re not alone. We’re in this together. But I ask that you please be encouraged to do things the healthy way - through exercise and awareness of what you eat. 

I love how strong I feel, how radiant my skin looks after a great workout, how much better my bodily functions are, and just generally how extremely happy my body feels. Two weeks in, I remember complaining to Adam about the lack of visible changes on my body, despite how hard I felt I was working. He told me to be patient. Lo and behold, his words should’ve registered as common sense at the time, but I was still disappointed. But yeah, he was right, I just had to wait. I do know what it’s like to want immediate results—the pride of that immediate gratification—but please do be patient. It seems as though I am starting to get definition! But I did have to play the wait game first. (More waiting is in order regarding what I hope to look like in a couple of months time still, heh heh :D)

I should also add that I also had to adjust my perception of the ideal body. I’ve always envied the thin and lithe frame donned by the supermodels of the world. My sister, who took after my mum, has been thin her whole life. I, on the other hand, got the heavy bones and broad shoulders. I will never look like an ethereal model, it’s not in my genetics, and the faster I accept this, the faster I can be on my way to achieving pride in my body… but genetics can’t stop me from looking like an ass-kicking fiend (just give me a couple of months). Sometimes we have to realise that what we think of as ideal, is not what our body has in mind for us.

There are so many resources on tumblr alone to help us out on our respective journeys. I personally found fuckyeahfitspo to be significantly helpful to me. With a myriad of pictures of enviably toned specimen, exercise tips, recipes, and her own before and after pictures, it’s pretty much a one stop shop.

So… I must continue by myself now without Danyel’s push, but I have learned how much more my body can actually take. So be safe, enjoy the ride, and I wish you well on your journeys too. Namaste.